I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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