what day is it and did you see me today?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Randomize
