Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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