I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Mom said you looked used
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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