Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
