Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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