im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
