i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
