Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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