dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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