Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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