So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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