I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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