you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
