you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
The air taste purple.
Randomize
