UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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