so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
