shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
