As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
