We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
