Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
