Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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