i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
