Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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