I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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