I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
please come you make the beer taste better
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
