Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
