all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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