I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
No stitches, just platelets and will power
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
