it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
