Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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