dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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