Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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