I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
