so explain again why im purple
no
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
