My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
