Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Is Oprah even human
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
