Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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