my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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