epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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