dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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