I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
