Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
