We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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