So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
