Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Randomize
