Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
