Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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