"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
