you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Still dying that you shit outside
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
